Narcissism: Objective Signs of Recognition and Ways of Protection.
Written by Christina Margeti.
Many times, when I have some free time, I enjoy reading scientific psychology articles and watching videos on related topics created by experts. Many such articles and videos focus on Narcissistic Personality Disorder—what we commonly call narcissism. A term widely used nowadays, sometimes inaccurately. I believe we tend to use it rather easily, attributing any behaviour we personally dislike to narcissism, freely and indiscriminately.
We may also, at times, unfairly assign this label to people. So, generally, it is wise not to confuse situations or misuse terms. Still, it can be very useful to recognise some basic, objective signs associated with this disorder, so that we can protect ourselves and our hearts.
To begin with, such individuals lack empathy. They are unable to feel deep emotions; at best, they can sometimes feign them superficially. Therefore, they cannot truly feel you. They cannot share your joy, nor can they share your sadness. They feel no compassion and cannot genuinely share with others, because they carry an inner emptiness. Naturally, they cannot celebrate your successes either. And not only that: they will try to diminish them, even undermine them, and they will belittle your very personality, because they believe that only they have the “right” to “shine,” to be “happy,” and, of course, only they to be the “successful” ones. They hold the illusion that they are the centre of the world, and that other people’s lives have less value.
They also never engage in self-reflection. They are unable to recognise their own mistakes and avoid repeating them. They never genuinely and selflessly feel remorse for anything. They lack understanding and empathy, so they never stop to think that one of their actions or words, for example, may hurt or upset you; they simply do not care about the impact on you or your inner world — yet another sign of immaturity. They never use the words “sorry” or “thank you”. They feel no gratitude for anything, appreciate nothing, and, naturally, do not value you as a person either.
Another important sign is manipulativeness. They try to control your very life — your path, your finances, your friendships, your lifestyle. They attempt to influence you and cut you off from friendships, collaborations and relationships that stand in the way of their manipulation, so that they feel they have complete control over your life. And this is because, instead of dealing with their own lives, they obsessively try to control the personal lives of the people around them, often meddling in matters that are absolutely none of their business.
In some cases, such individuals also engage in constant stalking — they monitor your social media systematically and obsessively, acting in sly and unhealthy ways, even harassing your friends or wider circle. It is also not at all uncommon for narcissistic individuals, due to their extreme and pathological ego, to foolishly resort to what is called “dark” or “destructive” magic, under the delusion that they can thereby achieve whatever they desire at the expense of the people they have targeted. But this, of course, remains an illusion that exists only in their sick minds.
I personally do not believe that, in most cases, they are capable of any original creativity, because what they essentially do is steal ideas and the efforts of other people, and imitate others as cheap, poor-quality copies. Seeing you move forward, succeed, be happy, and not need them at all is the worst thing for narcissists.
And if you realise what they are and distance yourself, or ignore them, or refuse to submit to the control and manipulation they try to impose on you, they may launch an entire campaign of malice, slander, lies and distortion of events against you, instead of doing the logical and obvious thing — simply carrying on with their own lives and minding their own business.
Many times, they also use the method of projection onto others. That is, everything they do, they project as alleged actions of others — their victims. Or they project their own character traits and claim they belong to other people. Sometimes they even play the victim in order to shift blame elsewhere, to win favour and sympathy, while in reality they themselves are the perpetrators.
Narcissists, then, may turn up as colleagues at work, your supervisor, fellow students, relatives, neighbours, or the person with whom you may have a romantic relationship — and sometimes they hide behind the mask of friendship. It is therefore important to recognise these signs so we can understand early on and protect ourselves.
If we ever “come across” such a person with continuous, extreme, disturbing and unhealthy behaviour, let us seek help from specialists, receive psychological support if we feel the need, and, of course, if we face extreme illegal behaviour, we must always turn to the appropriate police, legal and judicial authorities. And naturally, the best defence is prevention: recognising these specific signs early and removing ourselves completely.
